The Day My World Fell Apart (Part 2)

The thing is, I went from standing in front of the congregation to lead worship, to sitting in the back. I felt like shame covered me from head to toe. When I went to church, I would go in, quietly sit, listen to the message, and when service was almost over, I would sneak out of the church with my kids.

I did this for months. Those months were so confusing to me. I would spend my days fasting, praying and asking God to deliver me… to help me to remember and see what I had been doing.

At the same time, when my pastor would call me to ask certain questions, I would answer her. I wasn’t always honest. I was trying to play along since she didn’t believe in blind or unconscious witchcraft.

In my mind, I would just play along and answer to the best of my abilities (based on dreams I remembered or context clues). Then, when the time came and my deliverance was complete, I could tell her and everyone the full story.

Today, I wish I had stood my ground and explained that I really couldn’t remember anything I was accused of. But even in the midst of all of this, some things were starting to make sense to me. Like why I almost never dreamed, and when I did, those dreams were always dark and strange.

I also began to understand why some days would feel like a blur and I wouldn’t be able to remember what I had been doing throughout the day….Sometimes, it felt like I was living two realities and memories and thoughts would merge. Reality didn’t always feel real to me.

My thought is, if I’m literally astral projecting (whether knowingly or unknowingly) I’m participating in spiritual activities unaware. There will be things I experience that I wouldn’t be able to explain… And memories I was making that would lie in my subconscious mind.

Even though I was praying a lot, I couldn’t tell if my prayers were working or not. I also heavily relied on my pastor’s prophecies to let me know if I was even on the right path. I wasn’t seeking God for myself still.

My focus was always to fulfill expectations. I wasn’t concerned about what God would say as long as the people I deemed important approved of my actions.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to get delivered; but my intentions were not so I could love God… I wanted to be delivered so I could go back to doing the things I loved: singing on the praise team and the newsletter, and so my image could be restored.

Finally, my deliverance sessions started…. in February 2024.

Join me in Part 3 so I can wrap up my origin story lol.

So far, what have you learned? What does your origin story look like? Tell me in the comments!