Do It Anyways: Choosing Yourself
No one told me that choosing myself was going to be so hard.
In theory, choosing yourself sounds easy, but in reality, healing and starting over takes courage, strength, and determination.
I can’t say all my life, but for many years, I felt like I wasn’t worth the effort, I wasn’t worth loving, and I wasn’t worth the time if I wasn’t perfect…. In reality, who’s actually perfect?
I was a very angry child with a nasty attitude. I spent most of my time complaining, and my only source of confidence was the fact that I excelled academically. Back then, I felt that there was nothing about me that was worthy of love.
I carried this sentiment with me into adulthood. I also believed that marriage would change that, but I was wrong.
The thing about choosing yourself is that it doesn’t always feel good. For example: Leaving the man you loved all these years despite the abuse? He’s all you’ve known, and he’s the only man you think will ever love you….. Choosing yourself in this situation looks like walking away from a very familiar life and walking towards the unknown.
It’s scary, it won’t be easy to unlearn all the things you learned while you were surviving. There are times you’ll cry; other times, you’ll be scared; and you will definitely face challenges. But prioritizing your healing is a good thing.
So you see what I mean? In theory, leaving an abusive relationship is a sign of strength but it can be a very painful process for you. In the end? You’re saving yourself.
At its core, choosing yourself is an act of self-love. It’s a promise to your future self that she’s worth the effort and deserves the life you’ve always dreamed of.
