Self-Love Doesn’t Always Look Like What You Think
A lot of us don’t really understand what self-love truly is. When we hear the word “love,” we think of all the beautiful things: comfort, connection, and warmth. And we assume the same must be true for self-love. Many of us picture self-love as this beautifully cathartic experience that leads us to our best selves.
What if real self-love isn’t about comfort at all, but about choosing yourself even when it hurts? Because in all honesty, it rarely feels as good as we expect it to.
My greatest act of self-love was leaving my husband. That decision wasn’t glamorous or easy to make, but I was exhausted… emotionally, mentally, physically. Smiling through pain without ever truly addressing the issue became my coping mechanism. Saying “I’m married” started to feel like a lie I told to keep up a façade.
I tried to keep up appearances. But deep down, I felt defeated because I couldn’t even understand what a happy marriage is. Honestly, even now, the concept seems surreal to me.
I’m sharing this, because for a long time, I thought self-love was supposed to feel good. I thought it would be peaceful, comforting, and easy. But real love, even for yourself, isn’t always gentle. Sometimes it’s messy, painful, and forces you to face everything you’ve avoided.
I’m learning that self-love will make you say no to what you want today, so that tomorrow’s version of you can be okay. Sometimes, as a sign of love to yourself, you’ll walk on paths that are uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and even scary.
Self-love will have you journaling. Revisiting the darkest days of your life, crying alone in your room just so you can heal.
See? The thing about self-love is that it’s a mixture of a mindset and a set of actions that lay down the foundation for your future self’s success.
So yes, self-love can be the cute, warm, and fuzzy things. a chill night in your favorite PJs, wearing your favorite perfume, eating your favorite snack, watching your favorite movie for the millionth time. At the same time, self-love is facing your fears. It’s facing the things that hurt you the most, so you can overcome them and unlock a better version of you.
Self-love is self-care with intention.
It’s not just about doing things that make you feel good, it’s about doing things that make you grow. It’s deciding that you’ll no longer abandon yourself for temporary comfort. Your aim and your goal are for future you to be able to thank the current version of you for all the work you put in and the ways you set her up to be the best that she can be.
Self-love doesn’t always look like what you think.
But every brave choice you make to protect your peace, your healing, and your future is proof that you’re learning to love yourself, and love yourself well.
One hard decision at a time.
