The Ones We Lost Along the Way: A Reflection on Grief
Grief is a heavy weight to carry.
My cousin recently passed away. A beautiful young lady with a big heart, and I’m still struggling to accept that she is no longer with us.
We grew up in the same church, went our separate ways, and eventually reconnected in adulthood. We chatted here and there, always encouraging each other. I just knew that she was going to continue to grow, live her life and become everything she had been working to be.
Finding out that she passed away was shocking and sobering. I remember opening Instagram and seeing her picture in a mutual friend’s story with the announcement of her passing. I’ve honestly not been okay since.
It’s sad because she was only 29. There was so much life ahead of her, and for reasons we may never know, she didn’t get to live out those days.
The thing about grief is that it shows up whenever it wants to. One moment you’re okay, and then you see the most random thing and all the memories come flooding in. You can never truly satisfy the ache of grieving a loved one.
There is nothing you can say or do to make the void, the wishes, and the regrets go away.
It’s now January… I started this post 5 months ago, and I still find myself randomly thinking about her and all that could have been. My mind can’t fathom that she’s truly gone, but my heart breaks every time I think of what she could have been doing in this very moment. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain her family is going through.
If you’re grieving the death of a loved one, I just want you to know that you’re not alone.
Grief is isolating.
It’s a pain for which there are no words to ease it away. Many of us carry different versions of the same pain. Silently fighting questions we have no answers for. Looking for comfort that may honestly never come.
I just want you to know that it’s okay to not be okay. And on the days you can smile and laugh, it’s also okay to do so.
Grieving is not linear. Some days, life will sort of make sense to you. Other days will be so hard that the only way to express your pain will be through endless tears, screams, and desperate prayers. It’s all okay.
Take it a day at a time. And when a day is too much, take it a minute at a time.
And if you feel like you can’t catch your breath in those minutes, take it a second at a time.
Grieve, but remember that it is not who you are.
Allow yourself to go through the process: the confusion, the questions, the anger, the sadness, the happy memories that are soon followed by that too familiar empty feeling. Feel it all and release it in your journal, your prayers, your hobbies, your tears.
The only way to really overcome grief is to live your life with intentionality, acknowledging that there will be days you won’t be okay.
At the end of the day, you can be grateful for having known and loved such a beautiful soul.
To the ones we lost along the way, nothing can ever fill the void of your absence. We may never have the answers to some of our questions. But one thing is certain: you will never be forgotten.
Our hearts cling to the memories of you and the impact you left matters to those who were blessed enough to experience you.
